Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
