I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
