Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
