Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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