Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
