So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
