There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
