Your face is a jimmy john
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
