Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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