We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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