You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
