Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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