she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
