can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
