I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
