I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
