Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
