the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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