Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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