she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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