My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
