i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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