'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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