i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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