I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
