the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
