There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
