So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
