I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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