I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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