I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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