In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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