Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
