i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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