I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
