Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
