Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
