just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
