You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
