The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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