I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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