by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
