I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
