you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
