After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
