I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
