2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
