I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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