omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
