The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
