thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
