Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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